Coronavirus: Giving you the opportunity to bond with your kids.
Parents are not equipped to care for their children full-time for long periods of time, and this lack may lead to increasing stress levels and spanking in families with young children. This issue causes many of the problems parents are facing now during the pandemic.
Lack of connectivity and skillful parenting did not use to be an issue, since children spent most of their year in school and/or summer camp. Family vacations rarely last longer than three weeks, and school breaks are filled with extracurricular activities. Even during summer and winter breaks, parents struggle to cope with their kids and silently countdown the days until school starts again. Apparently, a few hours a day, weekends, and vacations are all some parents can handle with their children.
Now, with schools shut across the country and colleges and businesses going online, families are stuck together at home with no options such as eating out, going to the theatre, or daycare to relieve the stress, since social distancing is advised right now.
What to do? Watch TV and play video games nonstop?
With most parents ill-equipped to entertain and engage their kids, self-quarantine makes the weeks ahead look grim. Stories on Instagram and Facebook go to show even some of those parents who have taken it upon themselves to make sure their children continue to learn at home are struggling as much as their children to stay dedicated to the task. Most of the posts I see now in parenting groups and on parenting blogs are now suggestions on how to spend this “challenging” time with your kids.
On the flip side, spending weeks with their parents for the better part of the day is enough to make most children moan. Why? Because their parents are not inviting people.
I recently looked through my bookshelf for something to read and picked out a student handbook to writing I bought on a whim at a library book sale months ago. Targeted at teens, the book painted a compelling image of a typical school day involving breakfast, school, homework, and TV. No mention of parents. No mention of family save “your annoying little brother”. How different would that picture be if you enjoyed spending time with your little brother!
Families will survive being under the same roof 24/7 but at what cost?
I do fear that impatience and stress levels will skyrocket in households where parents are unused to spending days directly in contact with their children and are becoming increasingly aware of how much of their lives depends on school and full-time work. I think spanking will increase in households where parents are not accustomed to spending the whole day with their young kids.
Is spanking simply a drastic measure or does it come from parents who are content to allow the schools to raise their children and do little to no teaching themselves?
When you do not practice teaching your children, you cannot hope to find new ways to teach, much less discipline. In fact, why bother finding a new way to discipline when spanking already resolves most problems with as little as a few slaps?
When children spend half of their day in school, and half with their parents, it becomes hard to balance out what is learned where. Often, school becomes the atmosphere that shapes most children’s behavior (or misbehavior) and sets the standard for connection.
Parents become the people children come home to.
Parents become the people who make sure chores and homework are done and set limits on screen time. Parents turn into reinforcers; not teachers but rather the law. And the law does not encourage connection or honesty.
Many parents do put in an effort to engage with their kids in the meager time school days and a full-time job afford. Even a little bit of connection between parent and child means there is some connection. Since it is the only connection families have known for perhaps generations, it is not seen as shallow connection but rather as what connection is, even though I believe true connection runs much deeper.
If it is all you have ever known, it is enough.
If it is all you have ever known, strive to make it better!
If you already spend time with your kids, great! You know how the engage with your kids and are all set to spend even more time together without spanking. But if you do not spend much time with your children, and regret the lack of connection in your household, coronavirus has given you the opportunity to bond, to see what family is if only parents and children enjoyed each other’s company instead of winding up frustrated, fed-up, or full of dreamy eyes at the lives in Family Fun.
How bonding with your kids is a benefit in the long run
Bond with your kids by playing games and working over schoolwork together. Bond by watching meaningful shows as a family, building with Legos, or doing small arts and crafts. Bond by talking. Bond by cuddling. Bond by not spanking.
And when this is over, maybe your kids will not run to play video games and watch TV after dinner and homework is done because maybe you will have become a real person who treats your kids with respect, who recognizes their value, and gives them a foundation to lay down their dreams and fears on. Maybe you will have become more engaging to them then (dare I say it) TV or video games.
Who knows? Maybe.
Photo by Keegan Houser on Unsplash
Diffusing the Tension
I’ve been working on being more engaged since I struggle in that area. We have been snuggling and reading a lot of books. I hope they look back on this time with positive memories!
Jaya Avendel
I love that you are spending time together! Snuggling and reading books sounds like cosy times.
Bossylibrarian
Wow! That is so thoughtful. I have been following your blog for a while and I just realized you must be in education? If so Thank You! I am fortunate to live in a great area with big homes on big lots and a neighborhood park. I see happy families playing outside everyday, but I know that so many people, even people in my neighborhood are having a hard time right now. For every happy kid I see playing outside right now, I know there are kids suffering because of this isolation. Thank you for this important post!
Jaya Avendel
I am actually not in education, but I have always loved engaging with people. Discussion leads to learning new things. 🙂
I love yet am saddened by your reflection that for, every happy kid enjoying their family, there is an unhappy one, and am inspired to write about it! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. 🙂
wendy waters
Beautifully written. The art of relating to our children as human beings rather than wind-up dolls seems lost on most people. When my daughter was little I used to make the time to listen to her and it was incredibly enlightening rediscovering the world through her eyes and from her point of view. It’s a treasure rare and precious and given for only a brief handful of years.
FN
Ah Jaya you’ve said what’s had to be said. Long time coming.
Jaya Avendel
Thank you kindly! 🙂
bournemouthgirl
I think having this time although worrying about finances, but having that quality time with family and making memories is something you can never get if you were at work and school! Thank you for sharing!
Jaya Avendel
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
Lisa's Notebook
I read a FB post from a headteacher yesterday which put everything into context for me. We are not homeschooling. Homeschooling is a choice, when you become the teacher having researched, planned and provided for this way of life. What parents and teachers are doing now are reacting to an unprecedented emergency situation. If we can’t teach our children (as I’m still working) then that’s fine. It’s about bonding, not the curriculum. Great post, Jaya, thank you. xx
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful perspective! Since everything differs from household to household, I loved getting a glimpse into yours.
aimsysantics
Completely agree, it’s important to have some benefit from this epidemic, isn’t it? Such a great way to bond and have a different learning experience. It’s the people who have to continue to work and put their families on the back burner that I feel for during this time; they really are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Thanks for sharing!
Aimsy xoxo
Aimsy’s Antics
Jaya Avendel
Not being able to put your family first stings, but it is something I had no thought about until now. 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
Shantanu Baruah
Lovely read – I absolutely agree – the brighter side of life
Darina
This is the sad reality, parents are not equipped to spend 24/7 with their children. As you said there are so many things that you could together, and if you are a bit creative, educational ones as well. Thank you for reminding us what matters.
Darina
https://daramiblog.com
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! There are opportunities waiting if we only look. 🙂
singlemomchapters
This is such a good read. I definitely agree. Parents should spend more time with their kids and actually get to know them during this covid-19 outbreak. Thank you for writing such a wonderful post ❤️
glowsteady
This is such a positive take on this awful situation. I saw a tweet earlier today where someone said their mum said she was glad for the social distancing as it meant all of her (grown) children were around the dinner table each night rather than out and doing their own thing. It made me so happy but kind of broke my heart at the same time? It would be great if this situation ends up improving all of our family relationships like that x
Sophie
Jaya Avendel
Aww, that is a bittersweet story! Thank you for sharing it.
johncoyote
I agree. Grandchildren are at my home and I am create activities. The board games and checkers. Time to stay home and be safe. I hope you and the family are doing well. Be safe my friend.
Jaya Avendel
I love knowing you are busy with your grandkids! Stay safe and healthy, and thank you for sharing your thoughts.
johncoyote
You are welcome dear Jaya.
maddieastle
This is a really good perspective to take on what’s happening! Thank you for sharing 🙂
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for reading. 🙂
A. Rinum
I feel like this is a great time for everyone to bond. We’ve been playing board games all day! Like chess and checkers. My husband gets really competitive!
Jaya Avendel
I never figured out checkers but I love chess! What a great way to pass the day.
A. Rinum
I didn’t know how to play either. My husband taught me checkers and I taught him chess
Jaya Avendel
Sounds like a good exchange of talents!
ashleigh
Oh cool! such an interesting read! As someone who has just had a child (well 10 months old) my opinion on this has changed since maybe a year or so ago. I definitely agree it’s the perfect time to bond with your children but also there should be a balance too! I hope everyone stays safe with what we are going through 🙁
Ashleigh – https://www.ashleighsmoments.com
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for sharing your perspective as mother! So many things are about balance. 🙂
Nancy
I love that you see the positivity where this is an opportunity to bond with children. At the same time, parents may not be used to all of this free time together. IT would be cool to play games nonstop but the kids still need to learn. This is where families are really put to the test. Hopefully this is a learning opportunity for all of us!
Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me
Jaya Avendel
It took a little while to filter through all the negativity to find a bright side but I am glad I did! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
⚡️Kate (@thelittlecrunch)
Great read. As someone without a child it’s hard for me to have an opinion on such topics, but I can certainly empathize. This hault to society is completely unprecedented and scary, but it’s a great opportunity for us to reconnect with loved ones and build stronger relationships too – I hope that the level of compassion and kindness we’re all sharing with one another lasts long after this virus.
Kate | thelittlecrunch.co.uk
Jaya Avendel
I feel like the virus is giving great cause for connection, and I hope that kindness and empathy can battle the fright. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
wandasanderspoems
Totally amazing comparisons- my dad was the teaching and nurturing type. He was anti- spanking. However, mom was the direct opposite and pro- spanking. An excellent write..
Jaya Avendel
They say opposites attract; I say it is all about balance. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!
wandasanderspoems
You’re so welcome!
Pragati Mahapatra
True! Let’s spend the time doing something productive and nice!
Jaya Avendel
Well said!