Why patience is important to good parenting
So you have gotten married.
What next?
Many people would say children.
Children are not required by marriage, but mant newly wed couples find their friends and family expecting news of pregnancy, asking “are you pregnant yet?” and looking disappointed when they are told “no”.
Have kids when YOU are Ready
I think some couples are pushed unconsciously in the direction of having children because it is normal for couples to become parents as the next step in their marriage, or because their parents’ want grandchildren. Let me tell you; you are not obligated to fulfill your family’s wish for grandchildren. Your parents should understand that.
It is natural for our parent’s to want grandchildren, but that is not why you should have kids. My parents got married, enjoyed each other’s company for a couple years, and travelled before I came along, soon followed by my four siblings. The point is, have kids when you are ready to spend time with kids, not when you still want life to be you and your partner.
The first thing to good parenting is patience
Because the first thing to parenting is patience. Your baby will scream. Your four year-old will defy you. Your seven year-old will disobey you. Your ten year-old will make trouble.
I admire you if you are a parent who approaches these situations with patience, and takes the time to sit down with your child and talk with them about their behavior. I admire you if you are a parent who teaches rather than punishes.
Parents barely know their kids
Also, because many parents employ the use of daycare and the free childcare school affords, so they can live a ‘normal’ life, it seems to me some parents barely know their kids. And when parents do not know their kids; when they do not care to get to know their kids, it is easy to turn to punishments like spanking.
How this and lack of patience leads to spanking
When you have parents who spend little time with their children, those parents end up unprepared to handle difficult situations that come up during the time they do spend together as a family. So they do what their parents did to them. Spanking is a quick way to suppress, not solve, a problem.
Spanking is a punishment that relies on fear to work. It is my opinion that spanking teaches kids that what their parents do not know will not hurt them.
In many other households, one parent stays at home. The parent-child bond is stronger between that parent and child, but this is not a recipe to avoid spanking. Many parents still spank because they lack patience and have little tolerance.
Many parents are not willing to take ten minutes to sit down with their child and understand the emotions that led their child into misbehavior. These parents have no time to care for their children’s emotional needs. And they have little to no patience when it comes to discipling.
Lack of patience can cause parents to punish for natural curiosity.
Little tolerance leads parents to punish their kids for natural childlike curiosity. Children will smear paint on the walls and scribble on places other then paper. Children will play with their food; I know I did. Most of the time, all it takes is a little gentle, repeated guidance to a piece of paper or spoon. It takes patience to do this over and over again until the lesson sinks in. It does not take patience to dole out a few smacks and say “mama loves you” to appease your own feelings.
How a meaningful discussions helps child development
Leaving your child with the memory of a conversation in which you both understand each other’s emotions rather then the memory of someone bigger and stronger then them spanking them will more likely leave a longer-lasting impression.
Your child is also more likely to feel as though they can come to you and express troubled feelings and ask for help if he or she knows you will listen to them. Your connection with your kids will grow stronger.
Hitting is not part of a healthy parenting toolbox
On the flip side, children who are spanked may feel hesitant expressing their feelings to their parents because parents who spank do not take time to listen to their children’s feelings and emotions. Controversially, children who are spanked do their best to forget the spankings because the memory hurts.
Is has been said one must spank a child until their cry of defiance turns to a cry of repentance.
This can be translated into practice to mean to hit the child on the behind until their cries of pain turn into broken promises and apologies. Now, I know many people consider a spanking a few ‘pats’, but no matter how it is defined, it is still hitting. And hitting is something that should not be in a parenting toolbox.
The magic of “I can” in learning patience
You can learn patience. You can learn tolerance. If you pay attention, your kids will give you opportunities to exercise what you are learning every day. Your kids will learn with you because children are famous copycats and love to copy their parents.
Naturally, patience cannot be present all the time, and there will be days when you are driven to your wit’s end. But the more you remember to take a breath or even walk away for five minutes, the more your patience will grow.
Do not be a parent who takes no time to listen to your child before discipling them. Be a parent who listens from the heart; who teaches gently and kindly. Your family will benefit from it.
Show patience and tolerance. Be understanding.
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Giulia
Hitting just me made sad and feel like I wasn’t loved when I was little. I wasn’t hit a lot, but when I was it was soul crushing.
Jaya Avendel
Where is Facebook’s new ‘care’ emoji when I need it?? Sending much love your way; thank you for opening up to this part of your memory. <3
Giulia
Thank you!
Monique
Loved this! As a babysitter to my nieces and nephews (who are basically rowdy little toddlers), they do a lot of mess at home too. I’ve definitely developed my patience when it comes to them! Great article.
Jaya Avendel
I love that you connected with this! In general being around little kids helps us develop so much patience. 🙂
Ali
As a young person, I’m far from being a parent. But, patience is something so important in so many other relationships. This post was very eye-opening and definitely brought a new perspective. Thank you for sharing!
Nicola Martin
I’m happily child-free, but my sister is a mum to two small boys and, wowww, I’m continually amazed by her patience. You really captured one of the core truths of parenting with this post. Thanks for sharing.
Jaya Avendel
Thanks so much for reading! 🙂
Anil
Nice write up. Very informative.
cherbelle
I’m so hesitant to becoming a parent because of this exactly. I’m very impatient & children require constant kindness, patience and support.
Nancy
Good parenting is so important. I learned that children with not the best parenting kind of grow up questioning a lot about their past. Children are never required in life – you have the power to choose your life’s path. I agree with all of these observations, especially with being punished by the parent. I know I just want to be the best parent I can be in the future. Thanks for sharing this piece.
Nancy ✨ exquisitely.me
Jaya Avendel
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this!
bournemouthgirl
This is a good post Jaya! Patience is so important, it can be hard when you are tired but just have to count to 3 and take a breath.
Jaya Avendel
Counting to three is a tried and true method!
Unwanted Life
You’re right, too many parents are the kinds of parents who don’t want to give their children the time of day, and if that’s the kind of parent you’re going to be, then get a cat or something instead
Jaya Avendel
🙂 The popularity of cats explained!
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Thecaskconnoisseur
I consider your thoughts to be truthful and I would agree spanking is disgraceful, I don’t know a lot about parenting, it will all come to me one day. You don’t have to have children straight away, there is time in life!
Jaya Avendel
No matter what they say, there is indeed time in life.
quirkymoms486
Your thoughts are SO TRUE! I was shocked at how as soon as my husband and I got married, the children question started from everyone. Always makes me feel bad for the ones who aren’t ready to have one or have been trying and not having any luck 🙁 I love this post!!
Jaya Avendel
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. 🙂
Paige
Completely agree with your thoughts here. I haven’t got children; and won’t for a few years at least but I already know what a huge responsibility they are and a commitment too. I always believe in treat others the way you wish to be treated, and that applies for family too – including children. Yes; children may test you, or drive you up the wall but you are their support network and they will look to you for help or encouragement! Thanks for sharing this Jaya.
Paige // Paige Eades
Jaya Avendel
Aww, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this! Made me smile.
A Sustainably Simple Life
I don’t have kids and definitely feel that societal pressure that you mention. I’m grateful I’m getting closer to the age where I am unable to have kids so that the questions of when stop. One of the things I know I’d struggle with as a parent is patience. It’s something that’s needed in abundance, that’s for sure!
Jaya Avendel
I love that you have made the choices that are right for your life! 🙂
Kelly Diane
This is such an interesting post and really makes you think. Patience is a huge part of parenting, especially when you are juggling everyday life too.
diaryofagaydad.net
Just sorry about my 2 little typos!!! Eek 😥
Jaya Avendel
No worries!
Navita Bhatia
Can’t agree more with you here. The memories of ‘giggles and heart to conversations’ would probably the best gift for our kids.
One should be ready to be a parent before becoming one. It takes a lot of patience to raise empathetic and confident kids. I know, we cannot have unlimited patience all the time, but bouncing back quickly, is what pays off. 😊
Jaya Avendel
Patience is never present all the time, but the more we try, the easier it is to bounce back indeed! 🙂
aimsysantics
This is so true! Patience is so important. Children can have difficulty in expressing themselves, so patience is the key in allowing them to do so. It can be very hard sometimes, different life stresses can really impact on your patience levels, can’t it? I’m not a parent, but do have a lovely niece, who definitely tests your patience haha!
Aimsy xoxo
Jaya Avendel
I can relate to have young relatives who test my patience too! Patience is not present all the time, but I think we gain more and more if it as we move forward.
Michelle (Boomer Eco Crusader)
Patience is so important in parenting. I am a very patient person but, there were times when my kids pushed me to my limits. That’s why they say parenting is the hardest job of all.
Jaya Avendel
Well said! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
glowsteady
Spanking is definitely not okay, ever. But I see how after a long day when you’re feeling fatigued your tolerance levels can be lower and there isn’t much patience left. I agree that patience is the best thing for good parenting, but understand why it isn’t present all the time x
Sophie
Jaya Avendel
🙂 Long days and life are sometimes the hardest things to be patient with!
diaryofagaydad.net
Sparking is simply not acceptable! As you say, discuss, understand and develop with your child! It too John and I 12 years to decide to become ‘doggy dads! To Remus! The rest is history I guess.
A great post Jaya. Thank you.
Jaya Avendel
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!