Respect Goes Both Ways
Respect: To feel or show honor or esteem for; hold in high regard. To show consideration for; avoid intruding upon or interfering with.
Disrespect: To show lack of Respect for. Lack of Respect or esteem.
Discipline: Treatment that corrects or punishes. Subject to discipline; train; control.
Punish: To cause to undergo pain, loss, or suffering for a crime or wrongdoing. To treat harshly or injuriously.
Chastise implies corporal punishments, and connotes both retribution and correction.
Correct suggests punishment for the purpose of overcoming faults.
Discipline suggests punishment that is intended to control or establish habits of self- control.
Chasten implies the infliction of tribulation in order to make one obedient, meek, etc. “He chastens and hastens His well to make known.”
We hear about children respecting their parents and we hear about what happens to them when they do not; children can be sent to their rooms, spanked, grounded, or scolded.
So what about PARENTS respecting their CHILDREN?
If children must respect their parents and are punished for not doing so, parents should return the favor. Parents should model the behavior they want to see in their children because children learn best from the behavior they see modeled by their parents and the adults around them.
No one punishes parents for yelling at their children or taking away toys, yet children are punished for screaming and taking things from their siblings. Perhaps if parents were subjected to the same treatment their children, they would learn to see things through their children’s eyes.
If one child bullies another, it is considered wrong. But if a parent enforces a rule by bullying them with the use of force and threats (Example: spanking) it is considered fine. If a child falls down and cuts himself, the wounds are treated and kissed. But the marks inflicted by a spanking are not worthy of comfort. Are they not marks that hurt the child and cause pain? Are they not marks deserving to be hugged?
Adults are considered to know what is right. They are the ones who judge what is wrong and what is right, and they are the ones who punish, and speak of respect.
Most adults respect other adults. They speak of respect to their children. They talk of a duty a child has to respect their parents. Yet those parents are also sometimes the ones who contradict themselves when they punish their children with spanking, disrespecting them by way of violence.
From the definitions of words such as punish, chastise, and discipline, it almost sounds like children are animals trained to obey, corrected and controlled when they do not follow the rules set for them. Are children equal to puppies?
Humans see themselves as above animals because they can speak and do things animals cannot. But we show our animalistic sides when we train and control and correct our children with the use of violence as if they are nothing more then a bad dog. What goes through a dog’s simple mind when they are smacked or scolded for doing wrong?
X equals smack equals pain. Not doing X will result in no pain.
What runs through a child’s mind when they are spanked for a wrong or, worse yet, spanked to keep them from hurting themselves?
X equals smack equals pain. Not doing X will result in no pain.
So, while spanking may stop the child from touching a hot stove, you have hurt your child to keep them from hurting themselves and you are teaching with fear. Fear is not respectful.
Parents threaten, “Do you want a spanking?”
What child in their right mind wants to feel the pain of a spanking?
It is fear that controls many spanked children. Disciplining and punishing a child by fear and pain is another form of bullying, which simply means to use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.
That is spanking in a nutshell. And it is not respectful. There is nothing respectful about violence and fear, and no honor in the action of inflicting both upon a small child to correct and control them by the use of superior strength to intimidate and influence them to obey and respect.
If parents want respect, as they see themselves fit to receive, model respect and treat your child as you would like to be treated. If you would open your arms to a person who would smack you and embrace the pain and tears, do as you will. You are already in a spot that could be improved. But if you consider spanking is wrong and disrespectful, steer away from spanking and find another, non-violent way to teach your children how to behave. ‘Behave’ simply means to act or conduct oneself in a specified way, especially toward others.
Behave yourself and keep the violence in check. Resist the urge to spank and give your children the respect they deserve in the same way you do.
Respect goes both ways.
Free Stuff
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts. After all I抣l be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!
Sarah Eliza
Respect really does go both ways but I feel like it’s something that should be there from the beginning and doesn’t necessarily have to be earned – you should respect someone until they prove you otherwise 🙂
Jaya Avendel
I love this; so many things in life are earned when they sometimes should just be there until it is given a reason to go.
Pixee Pea
This is such a thought provoking post & I agree, respect goes both ways. I really don’t think that violence should be used as a bargaining tool, especially with children & it’s a shame that this is the case for many.
Thank you for sharing this,
Pixee xo | Thats What Pea Said
Jaya Avendel
Thanks for sharing your positive thoughts on this!
Tsvetty
I have to say, as someone who has worked with children through trauma-informed practice, this blog post is FACTS. I really believe that not everyone should have children, and this is a reason for it. Thank you for bringing to light this important subject and hopefully teaching the next generation of parents how to be better 🙂
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for your marvelous comment and for sharing your first-hand experiences!
Rachael
Completely agree with this post! I think we should definitely be more careful of our actions and be more mindful of children’s mental health. It’s so important.
Jaya Avendel
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! Since children are the people who grow up, treating them right from childhood is important.
Boss Babe Chronicles
I absolutely love the topic of this post. Parents more often than not don’t realize that by “teaching” their children, they are actually harming them and teaching them the opposite. Like they’ll spank them because their child pushed their sibling. It doesn’t work this way!
Jaya Avendel
🙂 I could not agree more; you cannot teach a kid not to push their sibling by using violence; the concept you are trying to make them stop using. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
nortoncharity
I totally agree! I am not a parent yet, but respect does go both ways. And I think a parent can get a lot more out from their child when the child knows that they are both respected and loved by the parent. Great post!
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! There is just something so beautiful when real respect and love go together.
BriN
Wow I wrote a draft on this ages ago (and well it’s still in draft😂) and I feel so strongly about this!! You said that really well. And I’ve experienced that too- from teachers who think public humiliation will make us work harder.🤷♀️ (Uh that was terrible)
Great post!❤
XX
Jaya Avendel
Thanks so much for sharing your perspective on this! It is never fun to be humiliated or disrespected.
If you feel like the words are flowing, good luck finishing your draft. 🙂
Riana.AngCanning
So interesting to see you share something outside of poetry. Though this still read very poetic to me. Especially the words at the beginning – I felt like I could see them and feel their harshness. I’m not a parent, so I have no experience in this, but don’t agree with spanking. I don’t think physical violence should be used as punishment. Respect is so important to show to everyone, kids included, and to model for children.
Jaya Avendel
Coming off writing poetry, prose cannot help but sneak into my writing! Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts; respect is indeed something we should all be treated with.
Diffusing the Tension
I’ve been working on more gentle parenting practices, and trying not to yell as much. It’s so worth it! We need to protect our kiddos mental health.
Jaya Avendel
I love hearing this! Thanks for sharing.
Coronavirus: Giving you the opportunity to bond with your kids. – Nin Chronicles
[…] and homework is done because maybe you will have become a real person who treats your kids with respect, who recognizes their value, and gives them a foundation to lay down their dreams and fears on. […]
Leslie Tucker
What an interesting perspective. The things we punish our kids for are the same things we do often without even realizing it. I agree that if we could see things from our children’s eyes we’d discipline differently, and probably be less judgmental.
Jaya Avendel
Now, I love your way of putting that we often do the things we punish our kids for! ❤️
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!
andrayachristine
Great points! As a teacher, I set a tone of mutual respect with my students. Rarely do I get anything but respect in return. They consider it being “nice”; I say it’s being human.
Jaya Avendel
I love that thought on respect being human. It is beautiful.
tamracater
Interesting thoughts. I’m definitely not for spanking, as it is not effective. There are much better ways! And I think yelling is also a form of disrespect.Good post!
Jaya Avendel
There are better ways, and I love the gentle parenting community. Their stories are always so inspiring.
Yes, yelling is a form of disrespect. I know it can be hard to control at times but apologizing after an outbreak is one of the best things to do to fix it.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
bingingonabudget
Thanks for sharing, great post. How long have you been blogging?
hermionelaake
I like your delivery of this moralistic blog. It is great. I’ve often thought that we are very hard on ourselves, in the Victorian sense of denying what we are; imperfect beings. You are right respect is a mutual thing. We all er, as Charlotte Bronte so cleverly showed us in Jane Eyre, and saying sorry is a great way of acknowledging this as we realise it is impossible to be perfect as children and as parents.
Jaya Avendel
Victorians, I feel, were famous for denying any imperfections in themselves. I believe accepting ourselves as imperfect is a golden road to happiness. Imperfect is beautiful, especially when one is a parent. With imperfection, you can learn.
romanticindeed
Respect is earned. I do not believe it is mutual.
Breakups within relationships easily occur when one cannot respect the other, because they simply demand it to be at the right amount.
Love is the mutual flow between two people. It is because respect is based on performance, while love is based on presence. To be present when one is there for another, versus doing something worthwhile to “obtain respect”; and which would you look for?
Should you be hurt and in a hospital, and someone came to visit you. Would you ask them, “Where’s my favorite meal that you usually bring?” That refers to respect, and use. It could be that the person who came to visit was in a rush, out of concern for you, and they had no clear mind to get your “favorite meal”. What should be appreciated is the recognition of the face that is before you in that hospital, and for a simple reason: that person cares and loves you.
Jaya Avendel
With children, I think the best way to teach respect and earn respect, is to model respect. That goes for all behavior. We learn from each other.
I enjoyed reading your thoughts on this and especially agree with you on appreciating that person cares and loves you. With that, there is usually respect.
hermionelaake
This is a very we thought out and insightful response. Thank you for sharing it.