Separated
I strike
Forth
Into the cruel breeze
Taste pineapple
In the air
Smell coconut in
My heart.
I dare call
Myself
A cocktail
When
I am only the crushed
Ice
In your glass.
Photo by Jonathan Sanchez on Unsplash
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Dominic Alapat
Beautiful poem! Love the sharp imagery! You really have a way with words! Comparing yourself to being ‘only the crushed ice’ is highly evocative and simply superb!
Jaya Avendel
Thank you, Dominic! In revising this piece before I posted it, I hit upon those lines. 🙂
Sandra Ans
Omg, this is a very, very strong poem and definitely one of my favorites! A few months ago I went through a hard breakup and that’s why for me every word here sounds truly powerful. ♥
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for sharing the personal and deep way you connected with this! Sending much love. <3
Georgia
I love the imagery in this one, and that its ending is so abruptly heartbreaking.
Jaya Avendel
Thank you so much for sharing your experience reading this!
Jenny in Neverland
Oh wow, I like this one! It’s very creative and imaginative!
Navita Bhatia
So profound!!!! That’s all I could say. Can relate well to this feeling.
nianni
I really like this one. The last verse says a lot and it’s really relatable.
bournemouthgirl
This is so cool. I really like this one. A fresh start springs to mind
besondersite
I really love the amalgamation of different emotions in this piece. Beautiful and poignant 💖
Jaya Avendel
Thank you! 🙂
Charley
I love this! It’s so beautifully written! Thanks so much for sharing Jaya! X
silversky87
Beautifully written with deeper undertone… loved it!
paeansunplugged
This is very different from what you write, Jaya. Love it!
Lucy
Beautiful, powerful, soul-crushing, and poignant. I can feel the strength in this as well the vulnerability. Through these facets of ourselves we see and know, how do we appear to others? I think this is what you describe, though I could be wrong. But even then, it’s evocative subsumed in beautiful figurative imagery and rhythm. I love this!
Jaya Avendel
I love that you found this strong and vulnerable at the same time! Thank you for sharing your incredible thoughts.
bloglifewitherica
When I’m only the crushed ice in your glass <3 … wow. I love it! This means a lot for so many people. Thank you for taking a deep thought and turning it into a meaningful poem.
xo Erica
lifestyleseason
Incredible post! I love this and it’s so original! Thank you for sharing!
Keep Calm & Drink Coffee
The smell of coconut is one of the thnigs I love the most in life!
cherbelle
I think it’s safe to say you’re one of my favourite writers ? 🥺
Beautiful use of imagery.
Anika May
Love the imagery beneath simple wording, beautiful poem!
Anika | chaptersofmay.com
Sushmita Sahay
Simple words but with an ocean of meaning… The crushed ice imagery is poignant, yet hard hitting!
Jaya Avendel
Thank you so much!
Melissa Kacar
I love the way you used a cocktail as a metaphor in this poem, the feeling you’re conveying through this piece is written in such a beautiful way! Thanks for sharing this!
Chrissy | Minimalist Maximalist
Beautifully written, Jaya! Just out of curiosity, why did you choose pineapple and coconut?
Jaya Avendel
I love the smell of fresh coconut and pineapple always awakens my senses! Somehow the two begged to be included in this poem and be presented in a new way, hence my reverse adverbs. 🙂
Chrissy | Minimalist Maximalist
That’s amazing, Jaya! I love the personal touch you added to this piece!
Michele Lee
Sensory awakened with the mention of pineapple and coconut, which is further enhanced with the second crushed ice stanza. Although not actually blended, the two ideas blend well together. Sorry, couldn’t pass on a pun – a poor one at that!
Jaya Avendel
Thank you, Michele, for your lovely words and well-intended pun! 🙂
TheQuietGirl (Anissa)
Sounds like you were describing a drink 😂😊. Great poem and nice picture attached 😊👍🏽!
Michelle (Boomer Eco Crusader)
Well now I want a pina collada. LOL Nice work Jaya!
Jaya Avendel
😆 Love that you picked up on the drink aspect of this poem!
Ingrid
This is so full of creative power and unique images! As ever, you say so much in few words 😊
Jaya Avendel
Thank you, Ingrid!
blindzanygirl
Great work Jaya
jei
I like your attempt to renew the procedures of your own poetic creation. If I’m not mistaken, in this poem I can see the use of some very appropriate new schemes to create highly original images and metaphors.
Wishing you a happy and creative weekend. 🙂
Jaya Avendel
Thank you so much for your incredible read! I love the way you interpreted this.
Carla
👏👏👏👏Love it