Revolutionary
My mother plays a recording
The voices of young women
I know only as old
Seep into every crack in the drywall.
Standing lonesome
The ladies in my family
Make their ruby and turquoise
Bronze and feather marks.
Standing together
Painted nails on dreams
Their etchings leave a paved wake for
Future generations to tread.
The brick is unyielding.
You want me to run after you
Snatch at your curled hair
Find warmth under your umbrella
It blocks out the sky.
How dare you
Pass on your shadow to me?
The wise walk in old steps
The foolish walk backwards
I reject the path altogether.
Written for the 11th Experiments in Fiction Poetry Challenge: write a free verse poem.
Photo by Veronika Jorjobert on Unsplash
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ReadAndReviewIt
Oh wow, this is such a beautiful poem! I love what you did with the form – it’s so interesting, and executed so well – and the theme of rejecting family expectations. Thank you so much for sharing xx
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for your lovely read!
Dominic Alapat
A beautiful poem about home and family! The fiercely independent resolve at the end is inspiring!
markstraveljournal
Very profound, love this!
Poetry Challenge: Results! – Life and Times of a Quirky Character
[…] Place: ‘Revolutionary‘ by Jaya […]
Ingrid
Congratulations once again, Jaya https://experimentsinfiction.com/2020/12/09/eif-poetry-challenge-11-the-results/
Jaya Avendel
😍
EIF Poetry Challenge #11: The Results - Experiments in Fiction
[…] Place: ‘Revolutionary‘ by Jaya […]
glowsteady
I love so much about this one. The tone is beautiful, and it flows perfectly. The way you formatted this really added something, too x
Sophie
Natasha Evans
Lovely poem! I like the form of it too!
Thecaskconnoisseur
Good luck to you Jaya, I think we can definitely see the winner it’s right here, this poem was beautiful and so lovely. 🙂
Jaya Avendel
Thank you for your vote of confidence! 🙏
alexfaithwrites
Love this, especially the end. I felt that the end resonated with me.
Aspen Hite
Incredible…and wow! Such feeling! Not to mention, the format of the verse is aesthetically pleasing. Brilliantly done! 👏💕📝
Jaya Avendel
Thank you! I had fun figuring out how the words could be arranged to their best effect. Glad that I nailed it. 🙂
Loren
This is such an emotional piece. Sometimes it does feel like past generations have planned out one’s life story but instead one should work on letting go of traditions and just going one’s own way.
Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed it!
Jaya Avendel
Your thoughts are the thoughts I was working through writing this. Thank you so much for sharing!
barbaraleaver
A wonderful emotional piece – living your own life. The mindful picture of the black umbrella created a masterful piece
Jaya Avendel
🙂 I love how the need for one word creates the need for another and how unexpected the result can be.
Rishika Kakar
Oh wow. I really enjoyed reading this, Jaya. Such powerful emotions put together in such beautiful words!
bournemouthgirl
This a lovely poem Jaya. Good luck in the challenge too x
Sushmita Sahay
Beautiful movement of the words
Jaya Avendel
Thank you so much! I felt it when I wrote it. 🙂
Keep Calm & Drink Coffee
Jaya with this form, feelings wave even more, and the poem brings a melody which improves the emotion!
Best compliments!
Jaya Avendel
Thank you! I had fun playing with the formatting in relation to the words.
paeansunplugged
Jaya, love the defiant tone at the end. Beautifully crafted.
Jaya Avendel
Thank you so much!
paeansunplugged
You are welcome.
Ingrid
Wow: a fantastically freeing poem, Jaya! Thank you for entering 🙏
Jaya Avendel
It is always my pleasure. 🙂