Twice Damned: The Foster Children Of America: Part Two

In Part One, I discussed the problems the Foster Care System faces. Today I will explore what can be done to make the lives of the children in the System better.

The most important thing foster parents can do for the children they foster is stay. By sending a child back to the agency, the child’s load of trauma and hurt only grows, yet it is amazing how many foster children are rejected after causing trouble.

Would you send your child away after they misbehaved? What makes foster children less deserving then your child?

We humans covet and love our blood ties. Parents are more willing to love their children by birth but even then, parents fail. Foster children have parents. Most likely their birth parents were uncaring, abusive, or negligent.

If you considered or are considering being a foster parent, stop and a moment and ask yourself if you will have time for your foster child, in addition to any children of your own? Will you have patience with your charge? Are you prepared to heal the damage done to the foster child? Do you have the energy and caring to show your foster child not all adults will hurt them?

If you hesitate in your answers, it is possible your home will not be a haven for a foster child. If you still wish to foster, you must make resolutions in patience and kindness and gentleness. A foster child will give you a taste of parenting your child can never give you.

Need I say do not be a foster parent if what you want is the little money coming with the child? The child needs to come first, and should be treated as if the money did not exist.

If you are a person with a big heart and a kind soul and you want to help hurting children, do it and stay with them. Do your research first and foster a child with something as great as adoption in mind.

One of the greatest errors of the foster system is that it is built upon the word ‘temporary’. It does no child little to no good to spent a few weeks or months growing attached to caring foster parents only to be wrenched back to the darkness of living with a mother who has just finished rehab.

As with the foster system, rehabilitation does little good unless the adult in question takes it upon themselves to change their life. The number of people who spend their lives relapsing and going through rehab again and again are countless. In their wake, they leave confused and hurting children who grow to maybe make the same mistakes as their peers.

Navigate through behavioral issues with a foster child as you would with your own kids and show your foster child you care no matter what he or she does. Understand fostering is not a swift one month or one week stay with a child but a life-long commitment. By keeping a foster child, you help another child find home.

Unfortunately, so many foster children are already emotionally and mentally damaged that they are likely to respond to adoption with rebellion and misbehavior; being loved by someone is too good to be true!

Many parents looking to adopt a foster child have been quickly deterred when faced with open rebellion and declared the child a monster. By giving up on the adoption, the parents prove to the foster child being loved by someone is too good to be true. It is another of a long line of betrayals the child will remember, and fall back to for guidance when faced with a new foster home.

One of the best things foster parents can do is adopt a baby. By adopting a baby, the child is kept from experiencing the trauma of going from home to home without being able to make friends or form connections.

I thought babies would be snapped up by childless couples but more parents prefer to struggle and try for a child through medical and all means possible before finally giving up and perhaps not having children at all. The parents who do succeed in having a baby after years of trying call it their ‘miracle baby’ but still go on to spank their son or daughter in a breach of love and trust.

What shocked me was that many foster parents give babies back into the system after a crying fit!

It is not that foster parents are unequipped to handle kids; foster parents are required to take parenting classes. The problem is that there are few people in the country who actually know how to be parents. 

Part Three: What happened to real parents?

15 thoughts on “Twice Damned: The Foster Children Of America: Part Two

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  1. I’m glad you shared your thoughts on the issue. It’s definitely a lot to think about and consider when someone wants to be a foster parent. It’s likely it may be very hard for some foster parents, because as you say, these children may have faced abuse and neglect. And as you say, it seems almost too good to be true that someone would love them. These are great points that you make, and it takes persistence and patience as a foster parent, but it can definitely change a life!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Persistence and patience; two key ingredients in changing lives. I think you are right in saying even the kindest of people probably struggle to help abused children open up.
      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

      Like

  2. I would think that a person who wants to foster would first educate themselves as to what brought the child into the system. (Parent drug addiction, mentally unstable, criminal or abandonment.) This would help in understanding the emotional state of the child. It takes a bid heart, positive reinforcement and a lot of patience to understand these children too do right by them. Yes, it would be ideal if have case workers (who have an overwhelming case load) to do monthly checks, let’s face it budgets for social programs are being cut daily. Pro life is more important now than the children that are living and breathing on this earth already and in need. I’m sorry I’ll get off the soap box. It’s an issue that should not be neglected. I applaud you for picking it up. 🌎✌🏻❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is horrible how people foster not because they care at all about children but for the meager monthly payment. It is hard to find people who truly care for the hurting little ones all around us.
      Thank you for sharing your profound thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Foster children need all of the support they can receive. They are already going through a lot and it is a mental toll on them as they grow. You highlight ongoing issues and we have a lot to do as a society to help each other. Thank you for sharing all of these facts!

    Nancy ♥ exquisitely.me

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi Jaya, I don’t know much about the foster care system but I’ve heard terrible things about some foster “parents” who are actually monsters who abuse the children, physically and sexually, while benefiting from the money they’re given. I wonder how they got to be foster parents. There should be better screening of them and frequent follow ups to ensure they are not abusers. So sad for the children. I think the foster care system is broken, kids get taken away from parents that need help in recovery but aren’t abusive otherwise and their fate isn’t necessarily better. There was a story about two women who fostered, then adopted kids (although they still had a living parent), the women killed the innocent kids by driving off a cliff/bridge or something like that. Crazy people should never be around children.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My word! That is a truly chilling story. Some people ought never be around children, and it is horrible how the foster system allows children near those kinds of people.
      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Books can help only so much and being faced with actual reality is a lot harder then reading about issues on paper. Parenting is an instinct a lot of people either seem to deny or mistrust.

      Thanks for reading!

      Like

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